Sermon: ROOTS AND WINGS

First preached: Mother's Day, May 1990

Doug Diehl

May 08, 2026

I am continuing to post sermons that I preached in 1992 trying to match dates between now and then. I was thinking this week that I will need to be more selective of what I post. After preaching 35+ years there is no way I will be alive long enough to post everything from my barrel of sermons.

I always struggled fitting certain holidays into my preaching. For sure, Mother’s Day was one of them. I don’t know how things are today but my name would have been mud if I didn’t do something special on Mother’s Day. Not only would there be trouble if I didn’t have such a sermon but I would really be in trouble if I didn’t say “Happy Mother’s Day” at the beginning of the service and include a prayer for mothers somehow in my pastoral prayer. I think part of the anxiety came with the acknowledgment that all kinds of emotions were going on within the minds and hearts of the congregation when it came to Mother’s Day … sorrow over mothers who had died, disappointment and sadness of those who knew their dream of being a mother would never happen, regret over intra-family struggles and so on.

My pastor, growing up, was really into sentimentality. He often used stories, songs and poetry that I thought, as a young boy, were awfully sappy. I particularly remember this happening on Mother’s Day. Most often someone would sing, or we as a congregation would sing, “Suppertime” (if you have never heard it I encourage you to find it) -

“Many years ago in days of childhood
I used to play till evening shadows came
Then winding down an old familiar pathway
I heard my mother call at set of sun
Come home, come home, it's suppertime
The shadows lengthen fast
Come home, come home, it's suppertime
We're going home at last”

Invariably I would turn to my mom and realize she was crying. As a young boy nothing was worse for me than to see my mom cry. So, anyway, I think the sentimentality of Mother’s Day growing up contributed to me feeling uneasy.

I talk about parenting in this sermon. On this particular Sunday our children were nearly 10 and 7. I mention in this sermon that as parents most of us knew more about parenting before we had children. I had yet to discover the amplification of that reality just a few years later when our children became teenagers. Now our son and daughter are in their 40’s. I rejoice that we all survived those years and that they both have become responsible adults, but I also look back and wonder if I actually followed through with this sermon and practiced what I preached. I’m guessing I’m not the only parent who wonders if they could have done better.

Scripture Reading: John 15:9-17 (NRSVue)

As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing, but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me, but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.

I find it difficult to put together thoughts about Mother’s Day -- at least to try to make it contemporary. While many of us relate to our mothers in a very traditional way, a growing number of families are not traditional. In the past few years I have done a considerable amount of reading and attending workshops on Baby-Boomers. Baby-boomers are those persons who were born between the years 1946 and 1964. The baby boomers represent by far the largest percentage of our population today. The baby boomers have brought changes to our society. They have brought the disappearance of what many of us think of as the traditional family -- a mother and father, with 2 or 3 children, with father working outside the home and mother working in the home.

The baby boomers have brought an increase in the number of single parent homes, an increase in both parents working outside of the home and an increase in the sharing of responsibilities within the home.

One impact of that phenomena is the difficulty in finding stories or illustrations to use on such occasions as Mother’s Day. The stories to which I have access just don’t seem to fit well anymore.

However I do have a couple. They might be considered a little outdated but since they’re good stories I’m going to share them anyway.

First, you may have heard about the teacher who gave her second grade class a science lesson about the magnet. On their next test, one of the questions read: “My name starts with ‘m’, has six letters, and I pick up things. What am I?” The teacher was slightly surprised to find that nearly half the class answered with the word “Mother.”

And speaking of picking up, a man by the name of Peter De Vries once described the mother’s lot as: “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children -- obstetrically once and by car forever after.”

Whether mother or father, or both at the same time, parenting is not an easy matter — as you all know. I thought I had it all figured out -- before I had children of my own. Now I realize I don’t know much and the great delight in life is not pride in my own parenting skills but the joy of watching the demise and fall of young couples who thought they knew what it was all about -- before having children of their own.

It reminds me of a story I read a long time ago about a promising young pastor, who, fresh out of seminary, had put together a very impressive study for parents of teenagers. He entitled it, “Ten Commandments for Successful Parenting of Teenagers”. A few years later this brilliant pastor got married and the two became parents twice over the next four years. As his children grew into the “terrible twos” he changed the title of the program to “Ten Guidelines for Successful Parenting of Teenagers.” As the children grew into their grade school years, the title changed to “Ten Suggestions for Successful Parenting of Teenagers.” Then, when the children became teenagers, the pastor stopped doing the program.

Jesus never married and had children of his own. In his wisdom he never gave much advise on parenting or family life, except to make reference to the 5th Commandment on honoring one’s father and mother.

However, as he worked with his disciples during the 3 years of his ministry he did give us some examples for good parenting. He had a goal for his disciples -- the same goal of good parenting. Jesus prepared them for the time when he would have to leave them, that they might carry on a ministry of their own. Good parenting prepares one’s children to live outside of the bounds of the home in a productive way.

What did Jesus do to approach the goal? He gave to them the gift of roots and the gift of wings. Just how did he do that?

First, Jesus spent time with his disciples. That he would spend so much time with them enabled the disciples to learn He could be trusted and He cared about them. Can you imagine what each disciples must have thought to themselves? “Here is a person who claims to be the Son of God and he is spending time with me -- a common ordinary fishermen, a tax collector, a political zealot. I must be important.”

An adult study group in Britton read the book, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World, by Zig Ziglar. In it Zig Ziglar says, “Love to a child is spelled ---- T-I-M-E.”

As parents, spending time with our children produces self-esteem and trust. It is also good advise for children; spending time with our parents also produces self-esteem and trust. It is good advise for all human relationships. Look at it from our own perspective. When people spend time with us it makes us feel important. When those people spend time with us at crucial moments of our lives or spend time with us even when we have let them down or failed them we learn that we can trust those people.

Of course Jesus showed us a balance. He knew he would not always be with his disciples so he also prepared them how to get along without him.

It is possible to spend too much time with someone else, smothering them and ourselves. Sometimes Jesus went off on his own for awhile. Sometimes Jesus sent the disciples out on their own. Again there is the element of self-esteem building and trust building. “Look at what Jesus is asking us to do. He must trust us.” The trust Jesus and his disciples shared not only gave them roots but gave them wings as well.

Trust is extremely important in family relationships. We have to be able to trust one another with the love we give, and we must be constantly on our guard that nothing destroys that trust. Family members who cannot trust one another cannot be families; they cannot effectively be prepared to live in the outside world. Husbands and wives who do not trust each other are not seriously considering their marriage promises. We build self-esteem in one another when we can trust and be trusted. Jesus knew he could trust his disciples to continue his work even after he was gone. The disciples knew they could trust Jesus to keep his promises. Mutual self-esteem and trust helps us to put down roots; it helps us to view our homes as places where we can restored and strengthened.

Second, Jesus communicated with this disciples. Jesus could talk to his disciples. He could tell them of his hopes and dreams; he could tell them secrets and share his feelings with them. The disciples could go to Jesus and ask questions without being called stupid or treated as though they were in the way. That communication grew out of their trust and resulted in more trust.

The homes in which people are allowed to ask questions about any subject, from birth to death, and the questions are given attention and answered produce people who will do well in the outside world.

Good communication techniques must be practiced on a daily basis. Two things to remember: If we can communicate well on minor subjects, we will have a better chance of communicating effectively when the major topics arise. Second, the most important tool we have in communicating effectively is to listen well. Jesus’ disciples knew how important it was to listen to Jesus. They knew he would not always be there to guide them. Jesus knew how important it was to listen to the disciples and to help them prepare for their own ministry.

Good communication also helps us to put down roots and spread our wings.

Another parallel between the effective family and the relationship of our Lord and his disciples is the need for rules. The disciples knew that there were rules by which Jesus expected them to live. The rules were based on honesty and fair play. The rules were based on love for the people and for the good of the people involved. The Pharisees had rules, but they taught that people existed for the good of the rules. The rules, and not the people, were the central priority. With Jesus, it was different. The rules were to make the lives and the witness of the disciples more effective. The rules were given to enhance their work.

The question to ask is, “how does what I am doing represent the love of God? how does it represent the love I have for my parents, or my children, or my God?”

Families who consciously make efforts to build one another’s self-esteem, families who have tried to communicate effectively -- both speaking and listening -- families who have lived within the rules governed by love for one another and love for God, have definite roots. Even with additions and subtractions within the family it will always have its roots. These kinds of families will find that they have given one another the greatest gift family members can give, the gift of wings -- wings which enable one another to go outside the borders of the family to become productive citizens contributing to the kingdom of God and the betterment of the world.

A favorite passage of mine concerning the raising of children comes from Kahlil Gibran —